


calum hood is not sober enough for this

by gonnamuke



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 20:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15445428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonnamuke/pseuds/gonnamuke
Summary: It is 3am at the club and it is time to gohome.





	calum hood is not sober enough for this

**Author's Note:**

> There’s no plot to this at all. It’s just a nonsensical series of events but I had to write it lol

“So I think that if I can play the base, and it’s only four strings, but I can make it sound just as good as your guitar sounds, and that has six strings, I deserve a raise.”

Luke stares at Calum blankly. “A raise,” he repeats. 

“Damn straight.”

“You deserve a raise, Calum? _You_ deserve a raise? You know who deserves a fucking raise? The working class of America. The minimum wage needs to be raised—“ Calum sighs and sits back, his head thudding against the booth they’re sat in. Luke gets really political when he’s wasted, and while Calum agrees with most of his points, they can get a little repetitive so he tends to tune him out and keep him out of fights with strangers who disagree with his opinion as much as he can. He’s already prevented two tonight alone. 

Calum’s eyes roam the bar, the edges of his vision blurred. The flashing lights and overall darkness of the room don’t help much, but if he squints he can just about make out some shapes. Bodies grinding on the dance floor. The pretty bartender getting money stuffed into her tip jar. Michael ordering from her. Ashton coming towards him. 

_Ashton coming towards him_. 

“Ashton!” Calum cheers, realising belatedly that he’s just cut Luke off mid-sentence. Luke makes a sound of indignation and Ashton gives Luke a comforting pat on the back, as if to say ‘no hard feelings, bro’, and then slides into the seat next to Calum. 

“How’s the party treating you?” Ashton asks. Calum’s drunk, but Ashton’s drunker, and Calum can tell because he’s reached that stage where he’s so drunk that he’s actively trying to hide it. 

Calum decides to humour him, nodding and letting Ashton pick up his hand and play with his fingers and lean in real close. “‘S good. Missed you.”

“It’s been ten minutes,” Ashton tells him. 

Calum nods solemnly, “That’s what I said.”

Ashton smiles and mutters “C’mere,” and pulls Calum against him, pressing their lips together softly, then again, then his lips part and he licks into Calum’s mouth—

Dizzy, panting a little, Calum pulls away, sucking in a long, deep breath and sitting back. Other than a throaty noise of disapproval, Ashton doesn’t react, just goes lower and nips at his exposed collarbone. 

Michael comes back from the bar with four drinks. He’s carrying them all at once and not doing a great job at maintaining his balance so half of each drink gets sloshed onto both him and the table as he approaches. Calum pushes Ashton’s towards Luke instead. 

“What’s his deal?” Calum hears Michael ask Luke. 

Calum’s half-lidded eyes open fully when he sees Luke and Michael unabashedly staring. 

“Dude,” he says, hands hovering awkwardly around Ashton’s face as if to shield him from their eyes. 

Luke snorts. “Right, because this is the worst thing we’ve witnessed Ashton do to you.” Calum frowns, mostly because he can’t dispute that, and Luke continues, “You need to get him home before someone that’s not us sees this and decides to get picture-happy.”

Calum refuses to be embarrassed by this. It’s not the worst thing that’s ended up in the public eye. But Ashton’s drunk and not himself and it’s up to him to make sure Ashton doesn’t want to fake his own death tomorrow morning. 

“Ash,” he says, a little shakily because Ashton’s really latched on there, shit, is he part vampire or something? “Ash, we’re gonna get you home and into bed, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Ashton tells him, his voice gravelly and full of innuendo. Calum shivers, his fingers closing around Ashton’s forearm that’s suddenly wrapped around his waist. 

Alright. Home time. 

“Gonna get you to _sleep_ , okay, you need a shower and water and sleep. Luke call an Uber,” Calum hisses out, desperation colouring his voice. Ashton has evidently given up even trying to pretend to be sober and is using his grip on Calum’s waist to push him down onto his back, his hands sliding under his shirt. 

Michael snorts and gets his phone out. The flash shines in Calum’s face and he screws his eyes shut. “This is going on Snapchat,” he says. 

“Do _not_ put that on fucking Snap— oh God,” Calum tightens a hand in Ashton’s hair and tugs lightly. Ashton looks up at him, eyes glazed and pupils blown. “We’re gonna get you home, okay? No more touching until then, Ash, you’re killing me.”

Ashton nods slowly, blinking, and tugging him into an upright position. He even straightens out Calum’s shirt and re-does the top three buttons. Calum clears his throat. 

“The Uber?” He asks Luke weakly. 

“Four minutes away,” Luke tells him. 

“Okay, just — no more alcohol. I’m not sober enough to play the mom friend.” Something about that title feels pretty incestuous in itself, because, you know. The sex. “Can everyone walk? Luke, you still feel like ranting about capitalism?”

Luke stretches his arms above his head and then slumps against Michael, his head resting on his shoulder. Michael cards his fingers through Luke’s hair. Everyone seems mellow enough. Ashton’s absently trailing his finger- tips against the fresh marks on his neck, but that’s tame for Ashton, Calum can handle that. 

“Delete that video,” Calum’s says, jabbing a finger in Michael’s direction. Michael rolls his eyes and pockets his phone. Calum lets it go for the time being. He’ll get Ashton on it in the morning. 

“Uber’s here,” Luke says, standing up. 

Thank fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought:))) thanks for reading


End file.
